April First

I'm pregnant. And whats strange about all I feel as im sitting here bawling my eyes out right now is that somehow i feel like you are mine. I came home this morning to be in my nursing class from his house and i am so in love with him. i kissed his head this morning while he was sleeping to leave to go to my apartment and we held eachother all night that night. i kissed his back and pressed my nose to his back and i held him and i loved him. pregnant with the child of the man i am so in love with, who feels part of me somehow, and you are here with me somehow . In another, time, in antoher life. I did not anticipate my hear to break so much in this way, i suppose i felt n this moment i would feel nothing at all. But all i feel is my love for him and the burning loss of you before it occurs. I'm realizing the first of april will never been the same, yo would be here in nearing winter as well and that could be all of it but the time is not right and that is harming me and it harming me because i dont know i will tell him and i dont think i will tell anyone nd that breks my hearat over and to pieces and over i don't know what to do and i love him and i love you and wherever you go after this know i will never forget not a day not a moment not a year you will awlays be my child but iam child okay wit love yours.