October 5, 2024- ,'

Dear Shwirly,

I have been meaning to write to you. For a while, the buzzing hum has stayed in my head, willing myself to the computer, to the pen, yet something else has kept me away. As of late, this something has been my own hardship. Now, I told you I broke up, I believe I informed you of that, but what I didn’t expect, but in a way also did anticipate, was some unexpeted obstacles—an awaiting for ~what’s to come~. I am beginning to understand (and come out of) that whats to come, as its been two months since the breakup. She is fully moved out now. I am alone in this apartment, but not much had changed in terms of the frequency of us talking. After she movec out, I went to stay at my parents, as I didn’t have a bed, and just couldn’t bear being in the apartment alone. At the time, the apartment compelx that I live in was a bit chaotic, some tenants were dealing with drug isses and I was feeling unsafe for a variety of reasons. But going to my parents was difficult, and whiel I am happy I did it, I needed to do it, it was still extrmeley hard and it worsened my brain and my reliaonthsip to my body. Then I came back, still didn’t have a bed, still didn’t have the courage to buy a bed or bedframe, and in short I slept absolutely horribly for the past two months. Until this week  ___ and I went to Ikea t get me a bedframe, and I had recently purchased a matress, and the past three nights my slep has imporvoed, with last night being SO good. I feel so rested, rested in a way I havdn’t felt, heonstly, since before she moved out. It is a bit cliché, but I honestly really struggled falling asleep at ngiht without her. But now, I just beginning to figure everuthing out. Hw to be alone, how to say good mornngi to myself, how to say goodnight to myself, hwo to spend my time. It has been amazing. I am healing. Finally. I can feel it and I just wanted to tell you. My goal is for my life to look compeltly different from the way it looks right now, a year from now. I know it will happen and it is all very exciting. MY parents house is built and it is beautiful. I am graduated. I know myself. I am beautiful and I am free.

Sending love,

-S

Ps:

Over the course fo these two montsh I have really tried to listen to the silence and configure whethere breaking up was the right choice. Only now, I am beginning to understand that it was. Thank you for being pateient with me. I am proud of myself for having the courage to do it. It is an important lesson. Life is beautiful.