Sunday, December 20, 2020

I know, i know. Its been way too damn long. Lots to tell you, a lot of pain, bad stuff, good stuff, eater. Okay, so I start school January 4, and I;ll be taking english 6 and a history class. I am so damn excited because i've been so fucking bored. This time off has really given me a newfound appreciation for my schoolwork, and its taught me that my bulimia, which i have been suffering from extremely for the past 4 years, and severely 5 months, is not driven by stress, but rather brough upon by a lack of it. BOREDOM is my trigger. Its a way to pass the time when I have no other idea how to. And honestly, i'm so fucking done. I swear to god, hold me accountable, but yesterday was the last day, i'm making a pact to myself, to you, to the world. I am exhausted and tired and so done with abusing my body and myself. I miss having clear skin. I hate the pressure in my chest. I hate the facial puffiness. I hate the feeling of throwing up. I hate the messiness. I've been really hurting myself and I need to stop. It ends here. So, in order to ensure my recovery I need to ensure I do a few things myself.

Here's my recovery plan, my self aware triggers, and vows I am determined to keep.

Recovery Plan

-keep car in parking spot from 7-whenver needed, daily. Do not keep car at apartment.

-STOP looking at yourself so damn much. I swear, I body check and look in my phone camera and in mirrors way too much. It triggers me.

-keep mirror facing wall, not you

-walk twice a day

-drink 3 liters of water (2 first thing in the morning, 1 throughout the day OR 1 cup of coffee), 1 cup of coffee, and 2 metamucil cups a day. No more.

-though, if

-

Self Aware Triggers

Self Care Necessities

Vows

this unfinished