When She's Away

More and more I find myself yearning to build a life that would allow me to survive. When she is far away, my wonder for what I want grows exponentially. My sense of self is more solidified. I feel capable of taking on an immense amount of career paths. Though when around my love, some only seem feasible. This lack of option frees me. I see many versions of myself, many possibilities of emerging, housing an understanding that I am capable of all. This is both freeing and a cage. Freeing, because I have enough confidence to feel comfortable taking on whatever I dream to. Though also a cage, for my possibilities feel endless, and I myself don’t know which choice is best. But I guess that’s all part of this. The understanding that we can never truly know, and that sometimes, most times, we just have to leap. Though, what if we slip? What if the corresponding cliff we thought we could see in the distance was in actuality a dark cloud, and our attempt to jump after it instead leaves us writhing and floundering at the bottom of the mountain, gasping for air. I believe it is our emotional ability to love and to be loved that survives us. Is it so wrong to not want to let go of it the moment we know it. Is attempting to build a life around the one thing we know we need most so abhorrent?